Faith, Lifestyle, Spirituality

Why our early twenties are a hot-mess and why it’s OK?

There are thousands of posts about being a 20-something, I mean a lot and maybe this post isn’t any different. I’m not writing this to give advice, but to let all my 20-something sisters who are or have gone through this know, they are not alone.  My twenties have been a mixture of a sour patch and a roller coaster. First, my twenties began with excitement as I left my teens behind and started my college career with excitement.  I had these big. goals for myself and there was no way in I was not going to accomplish them. By the time I graduated college I would be exactly where I have always wanted to be.  A strong, independent and financially stable Muslim woman. Unfortunately, life had other plans for me. One minute things were good and the next minute they were gone, just like a sour patch.  I spent the first two years in my twenties angry, sad and disappointed. I was still in the growing phase and I hated that I wasn’t getting up. I felt I wasn’t pushing myself enough so that’s what I did. I became extremely obsessed with paying student loans back and being financially independent during my last two years of college. So, I pushed and I pushed myself so hard that nothing positive came from it. I started experiencing a lot of mental and emotional pain. I worked two to three jobs and tried to go to school full-time.  I knew it worked for others so, why wouldn’t work for me. I missed more classes in school than necessary and I became a completely negative person. As if the obsession to be financially independent wasn’t enough I started to feel something was wrong with me since I was an unmarried Bantu woman at my age. Family friends and their married daughters made sure they reminded me of that. I felt bad and frustrated, but I didn’t want to be in a relationship until I could hold my own. I have seen too many young women whose marriages ended and they had nothing to fall back on. I didn’t want to be that girl, I couldn’t be that girl. No, I refuse to be that girl, so I was and still am focusing on not becoming that girl.

It took me a while to realize that whatever those people said was not my business. They did not contribute to my well-being and they sure as hell do not pay my bills. So I stopped caring about what they thought and started focusing on what I wanted. This moment was a turning point for me. It allowed more to remove a lot of negative thoughts and people in my life.  I stopped eating, breathing and dressing for others and it felt good. I could sense and feel the change in me and that’s all it took.

This event and many more events both positive and negative have made me realize that my twenties and maybe yours too are more than a sour patch. Our twenties are no doubt are a hot-mess, but it is also a growing and learning process. No human being is ever done growing, at least not spiritually, financially, mentally and emotionally. I have met people who were in their 40s and still acted like children. They were still emotionally, financially and spiritually growing. These experiences have taught me to be a little easy on myself. I had to let go of my obsession and just breath and life. I am a true workaholic and I don’t know what free time is, but it took a lot of guts for me to stop overworking myself and take time to grow.  This wasn’t an easy decision to make as it took me realizing that I was horrible at relationships, almost dying three times and a big melt down to realize that my life isn’t perfect and that is ok. I learned that we should take time for ourselves and sometimes it lies ok to take a detour and slow down. sometimes the best things in life happen when we pin the moment instead of focusing on what’s going to happen when I graduate. I know and I’m pretty sure many of you know being in your twenties isn’t always easy, but you will have great moments and bad moments. No matter the moment life will go on, you will learn and you will grow.  So, if you are a 20-something, like me and are a complete hot-mess, that is ok.  Our time will come and we will get there. Not at the same time, but we will be there.


Discussion: How did you feel in your twenties and if already are in your twenties how are you feeling?


1 thought on “Why our early twenties are a hot-mess and why it’s OK?

  1. I couldn’t agree more!!! I’ll be 28 next year and I think back to how I felt in my early 20’s. I use to be so upset that I wasn’t more financially stable or didn’t have that “big job” yet. But now, I’m like everything will happen with it’s time for them to happen.

    great post.

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